“Look at all those fancy clothes,
But these could keep us warm just like those.
And what about your soul? Is it cold?
Is it straight from the mold, and ready to be sold?And cars and phones and diamond rings,
Bling, bling, those are only removable things.
And what about your mind? Does it shine?
Are there things that concern you, more than your time?”Jack Johnson, Gone
So I thought I would branch away from the Radiohead lyrics tonight and go in a different direction. Lately I have been feeling strangely antisocial despite the ever looming approach of my departure. I opted out of going out after work on friday night to stay home and watch Collateral for the third time while eating some local chinese food (by the way, can chinese food even be local if you’re not in china?!). Then last [saturday] night I stayed home again. I feel like my head’s been too full to go out and socialize.
Now I’m just sitting on my bed with an ice cream bucket full of crayons between my criss-crossed legs. I’m sorting through all the donations that I’ve been given so that I can start packing them. It’s a weird thing, going through this bucket of crayons. Some of them are from my communities childrens class supplies but most of them are mine from my childhood. I can still make out “Sieben” printed on the ends of some of the ones that made it all these years with their paper still in tact. Others I can see the silver spray paint that my dad covered all the ends of my school supplies in during my later elementary years. I remember him telling me that it’d take less time to do that then write my name on every single one, and he was right.
Now years later, I feel a bit strange and awkwardly emotional over crayons. I’m definitely one of those people that hang onto knick-knacks and odd little pieces of my childhood to keep the memories fresh and alive, but I know that the crayons are going to kids that will actually use them (it’s been a while since I’ve pulled them off the top shelve of my closet) and it’s not like I’m at all worried about the disappearance of them. I just feel sad. It might have something to do with my lifelong belief that inanimate objects have feelings (weird, I know) but I think it’s more likely that it has something to do with our society. Lately I’ve been realizing how disposable, superficial and artificial our culture is. It’s full of people that don’t see the issue of throwing away twice used crayons; people that are constantly looking at their bucket full of crayons and wishing for felts; people that don’t see the beauty in the array of colour and choose only to fill in the lines with black and white; people that can’t seem to get their mind around colouring outside the lines.
I guess it just boils down to being tired of life stuck on repeat. I’m sick and tired of answering the question “what are you going to do on vacation if you can’t shop or wear a bathing suit to the beach?” For people living inside the lines, to colour outside of them seems absurd. In our society the belief is that we’re the ones that have it straight. We’re the ones that are modern and advanced. We think that because we’ve got our sciences down to an atom and our languages compacted to a dictionary that we’re the ones a step ahead of the world.
Are we, are we really? What our happiness relies on is perishable items that decay and rot with enough time. Our society is all about getting but when does it ever stop? How can our happiness ever be constant if we’re never satisfied with what we currently have? We are always eyeing the bigger and better wishing that we posessed it. Then when we get bigger and better there’s always someone else with a little bit more. We are envious of people that are even just slightly more rich in material then we are; we covet their posessions and remain constantly unhappy with our own.
When does it stop? When can we feel fully satisfied as a person if we are constantly feeling jealous and greedy? It never stops. Materialism is never-ending. It’s not possible to satisfy a materialistic heart because there is always, always more it can, and will, desire. Our society is always going to be running around in circles wishing their crayons were felts. I feel completely blessed to go live in a place where the culture isn’t constantly wishing for more material. I think it’s going to be extremely hard, but also really rewarding. I’m excited to work on my own desires because so many times I get caught up wishing I had the latest this or that. I can’t wait for this challenge to begin!
On that note I think I’ve had enough ranting and I’m left wondering what colour of crayon I would be and why. Total classic and typical online quiz question haha. How is it possible to think so deeply about something and end so shallow? I guess that’s just how my brain works.
